![]() Does it set a tone in the relationship that is the reverse of biblical roles in marriage? Yes. Ultimately, it’s a matter of Christian freedom, as you say. We did that hoping that if people had the end and purpose in view as to what makes a godly husband, wife and marriage, it would inform how they went about dating and exploring the possibility of marriage to a particular person.ĭoes that mean that it’s necessarily a sin for a Christian woman to ask a guy out? Of course not. I taught a Sunday school class for several years called “Friendship, Courtship and Marriage,” and in that class we deliberately taught the marriage part first. Why begin a relationship with the roles God ultimately calls us to as husbands and wives reversed?įor those reasons and others, I think it is wise to conduct dating relationships – even with respect to who initiates the relationship – with marriage in view. And our wives, despite our sinful, imperfect attempts at leadership, will be called to trust God, let us lead and respond to our leadership. In that role God expects us to initiate and lead and sacrifice and disciple and protect and provide and do any number of other things in service to our wives that are a lot harder and have higher stakes than asking a woman out for a date. You are quite right that God has created marriage such that the husband is the head of the wife ( Ephesians 5:23). ![]() I think it is part of our job as men to risk rejection and be the initiators of dates and dating relationships, and if you wait until she has gone out on a limb and made her interest known, you’re asking her to take the risk instead of taking it on yourself. Having said all that, I don’t think you should need to know in advance that a woman is interested before you ask her out. ![]() As I wrote in this space just a couple of weeks ago, I would encourage women who are asked out by a Christian guy to (with a few caveats) encourage that godly initiation and be open to God’s providence by saying “yes” to a first date more often than not, even if she doesn’t know the guy well or initially believes she is not interested in a relationship with him. No one likes the feelings of rejection or embarrassment, especially for reasons that are less than biblical. I have been in both positions, and they sting. ![]() I have even more sympathy for brothers who have initiated with a woman (or women) and have been rejected. Let me say first that I totally understand and sympathize with brothers who are thinking about asking a woman out for a date or initiating a relationship and fear rejection. Most guys I know can’t tell either, but girls have said (without elaborating) “it’s so obvious.” Answer I have asked several girls who I thought were interested, and every time I’ve been harshly rejected. I can understand why men need to propose, since we need to be ready to take on the responsibility as head of the family, but I don’t think it necessarily applies to courtship and dating.ĭidn’t Ruth pursue Boaz? After Ruth initiated, Boaz took responsibility for her by making sure she was looked after and the best kinsman redeemer was found (which ended up being himself).Įven though I don’t think it’s unbiblical for girls to have the freedom to initiate, I do want to take initiative and show responsibility. How do I know if a girl wants me to ask her out? Thinking through this, I started wondering why men need to be the initiators in this particular aspect of a relationship. ![]()
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